For His Fame

If you read my blog post yesterday, you know that God has awakened some big dreams in me.  One of the things that He placed on my heart years ago was to write...to pen my story.  I have dabbled with a few blog posts here and there throughout the years...dipping my little toe in the water every now and then, but in January of this year...I felt the big nudge that now is the time to go deeper. 

I'm just going to be honest with you, if that's okay. :) Like most people I know, I really struggle with why in the world He would ask me to write...why He would use ME. There are others much better suited for the job.  So, here I'll share with you some of my biggest struggles (a.k.a. excuses) because chances are you have them too:

1. I have no clue about writing.  I'm not the best at grammar or knowing where to put the punctuation marks...even though I was in advanced classes throughout my school years (I think I forgot EVERYTHING).  My vocabulary range is also pretty limited.  I give my husband a hard time because he is the walking dictionary...he uses words that I've never even heard of and in the correct context. Do you know someone like that?  It's a trait I admire so much in him! It's a gift...a gift that I do not have. So, I've always looked at others that are more prolific than I and determined that they were the ones with the gift to write...certainly not me.
2. Most of you who know me, know I have more of a heart of a listener/counselor than a talker. That's why I spent 6 years working hard to obtain my Master's in Counseling...not in Public Speaking or Writing. Ha! I break out in these lovely red splotches when I speak for goodness sake...why would God ask me to write or to speak more?  One on one with someone is way more comfortable for me.  It's much less vulnerable than being in front of a crowd, or pouring my heart out on to the world wide web for all to read. But, God didn't ask me to live a life in my comfort zone, did He?  Ugh.
3. Now, this next one is probably the biggest one. I don't want it to come off that I am promoting Kim Masengale. Anyone who knows me well and knows my heart, knows that I would prefer to be in the shadows, rather than be up front. I don't need the big light shining on me.  I've really struggled with putting my writings out there because I don't want to be misunderstood by the unforgiving critics that are out there.  So, to make sure my motives are pure...I've spent countless hours praying and asking God to search my heart...I've asked my very best friends & mentors to be honest.  I've asked my husband, who is the person in my life that is the most brutally honest with me, to let me know if he sees any self-promoting motives in me.  I don't want to write or minister out of my own need...I want to minister and write out of the overflow of what God has done for me and the deep love that I have for Him.

There you go. Those are some of my struggles, but I've come to this final conclusion...God's truth is bigger than my truth!  If He has asked me to write or speak then He must see something in me that I don't see in myself.  He's so cool like that!  So, when I speak or when I write...everything I do is for His fame! It's for His glory, not mine.  It's to point others back to the Cross.  He has brought me through SO much.  I know that the things He has allowed me to go through is to prepare me for what He is going to do through me.  The same goes for you too! 

I have had many sleepless nights lately because I can't stop thinking about all that He has has done in my life. These are the things that I just can't shake & I want to share with you over the coming days, weeks and months.  Yes, it will make me vulnerable because I will be sharing with you things that I am so not proud of...things that no one ever wants to admit, but if I don't share with you what He has done then I believe it will all have been in vain.  Beth Moore states in Breaking Free  "Self-protection is the number one stumbling block to keep us from our calling".  So, I won't self-protect any longer...instead, I will be obedient and pen my story.  Even if only one person reads this blog and somehow God uses it to touch her life and bring hope and healing...then it will be worth it. 

Love you all.